love

I've got the same old heart with a brand new beat ...

the choice

“For an instant, she thought she’d simply turn and leave. But again their eyes met and held for just a beat too long, and before she realized what was happening, Travis placed a hand on her hip, his lips neither soft nor hard against hers. It took an instant for her brain to register what was happening, and then she pushed him back.”
-the choice-
nicholas sparks

life will never be perfect

She felt as though she’s failing in every aspect of her life. For some people it maybe that perfect. She got a job and having one is such a wonderful blessing already because almost everywhere lots of people are getting laid off. She is with her family, which everyone wishes if they happen to be in an unfamiliar country like this. But it doesn’t give her that much satisfaction and comfort in life. Not even once did she ever think that her life was that perfect. Its not that she’s not thankful about every little good things she has but maybe she is just human, a very fragile one. Someone who is not contented, craving for more success and satisfaction she can get from things and from people around her. Someone who is tired…Someone who doesn’t know what she wanted in life… “What do I want?” she asked herself. She had been asking this question many times before. “What does she wants?” What does she really wants? Does it matter at all? Maybe it does because almost all of her life she had been doing what other wants…what can make them happy not what can make her happy. She thinks that by satisfying them can make her happy and contented. Before she was that happy but now why does she felt this way? Why is it that she doubts her feelings now? Is it because she wanted a different job? That the job she has right now is not the same as the one she was dreaming of? Is it because she doesn’t want to be here? That this place is not the exact place where she would want to be?


Knowing the fact that everything she has is not what she really wanted, but she can live with it…That’s what she’s been doing for years…trying to be happy and grateful with what she has. She didn’t even know why the hell she felt this way? …feeling down and lonely… Everything would have been okay but it feels that she’s missing something…that there is one piece of the puzzle that is missing and only by finding it can make everything fall into the right place…maybe by finding that someone might spice up her life and maybe she might have found it already but it’s just that she’s too afraid of so many things. Maybe this time she’s being careful, she doesn’t want to end up alone and cold because of very high expectations that aren’t met. Perhaps it’s better not to expect anything. Maybe if she didn’t expect things to end up the way she wanted it then she could have been that happy…truly happy. But it’s not that easy to do….


…life will never be that perfect…It can never be and I need to live with it…

-cha-

say it loud

Only I will say yes if you’re ready to say it loud so as the whole world will hear you…

my new shoes

A new pair of shoes gives you excitement but what if you have to choose between 2 pairs. One is new and the other one old but you very well love it. You are confused because you need to dispose one pair of shoes, whether to keep the old and not to buy the new or to throw the old shoes and buy the new one. It was not a big deal for some but for you it is because you only have one space left in your shoe rack so you cant keep them both…you really need to choose.

Having options is very rewarding but the hardest part of it is that you have to pick one (strictly one ONLY) between those options. Opinions from others might help but in the end you are alone to decide. Smart decision making is a must because once you dispose one pair, there is no turning back. Remember the “No return no exchange” policy.

Comparison between them might also help somehow…

The new one has exactly the kind and style everyone is searching for. It was very simple but attractive. Its beauty is ideal for all. Most people around you definitely like it. They prefer it more than the old shoes you have been wearing for years. As for your own personal preference, you honestly like it also but there is a big question mark. “Should you keep it to replace the old?” What if you will not be comfortable wearing it? What if it will not last long?

The old shoes on the other hand, was one of your favorite. You only not like it but you love it as well. It was not that very stylish but its design is exotic…very rare. Unlike the new one, it was not the ideal shoes. In fact most of the people are not pleased to look at it but it was very comfortable. It’s always there when you needed it; never fail to make you happy. It has served you for years but all things have their imperfections and as time passed by, it’s already hurting you. It’s not that very comfortable than before. Are you ready to dispose it? “Are you ready to let go?”

…I keep on thinking about it every now and then. I don’t know what will happen after I finally choose. I really don’t know. The only one thing that is clear with me right now is that I’m willing to take a risk. I think I’m ready to welcome the new and say goodbye to the old. Oh God blessed my new shoes so it will serve very well its new master.

-cha-

i cant swim.

... i woke up suddenly. wahhhhh earthquake!. i thought it was just part of a bad dream. i didnt move an inch, i just stayed in my bed thinking if its real or not. it was not the earthquake that frightens me but the darkness in my room. Few minutes after it happened my dad was rushing out from his bedroom to check on me. i immediately went out of my room also. i sat beside him and we chatted for a awhile. He told me that he was too worried because "i cant swim!" waaaahhhhh. My dad is very futuristic. he was thinking of "tsunami". very thoughtful right.
anyway, dont know if i will be able to sleep again...

existence

…because there was just one thing that i had to believe to be able to live-I had to know that he existed. that was all. Everything else i could endure. so long as he existed.

-new moon (stephanie meyer)