She felt as though she’s failing in every aspect of her life. For some people it maybe that perfect. She got a job and having one is such a wonderful blessing already because almost everywhere lots of people are getting laid off. She is with her family, which everyone wishes if they happen to be in an unfamiliar country like this. But it doesn’t give her that much satisfaction and comfort in life. Not even once did she ever think that her life was that perfect. Its not that she’s not thankful about every little good things she has but maybe she is just human, a very fragile one. Someone who is not contented, craving for more success and satisfaction she can get from things and from people around her. Someone who is tired…Someone who doesn’t know what she wanted in life… “What do I want?” she asked herself. She had been asking this question many times before. “What does she wants?” What does she really wants? Does it matter at all? Maybe it does because almost all of her life she had been doing what other wants…what can make them happy not what can make her happy. She thinks that by satisfying them can make her happy and contented. Before she was that happy but now why does she felt this way? Why is it that she doubts her feelings now? Is it because she wanted a different job? That the job she has right now is not the same as the one she was dreaming of? Is it because she doesn’t want to be here? That this place is not the exact place where she would want to be?
Knowing the fact that everything she has is not what she really wanted, but she can live with it…That’s what she’s been doing for years…trying to be happy and grateful with what she has. She didn’t even know why the hell she felt this way? …feeling down and lonely… Everything would have been okay but it feels that she’s missing something…that there is one piece of the puzzle that is missing and only by finding it can make everything fall into the right place…maybe by finding that someone might spice up her life and maybe she might have found it already but it’s just that she’s too afraid of so many things. Maybe this time she’s being careful, she doesn’t want to end up alone and cold because of very high expectations that aren’t met. Perhaps it’s better not to expect anything. Maybe if she didn’t expect things to end up the way she wanted it then she could have been that happy…truly happy. But it’s not that easy to do….
…life will never be that perfect…It can never be and I need to live with it…
-cha-
Knowing the fact that everything she has is not what she really wanted, but she can live with it…That’s what she’s been doing for years…trying to be happy and grateful with what she has. She didn’t even know why the hell she felt this way? …feeling down and lonely… Everything would have been okay but it feels that she’s missing something…that there is one piece of the puzzle that is missing and only by finding it can make everything fall into the right place…maybe by finding that someone might spice up her life and maybe she might have found it already but it’s just that she’s too afraid of so many things. Maybe this time she’s being careful, she doesn’t want to end up alone and cold because of very high expectations that aren’t met. Perhaps it’s better not to expect anything. Maybe if she didn’t expect things to end up the way she wanted it then she could have been that happy…truly happy. But it’s not that easy to do….
…life will never be that perfect…It can never be and I need to live with it…
-cha-
