in fantasy

"I know in reality we can't be together, so I just close my eyes and you're right here with me... in my dreams you're mine forever."

the day that we've all been waiting for...

it was almost 4: 05am when i finally got my sleep. i fell into deep slumber not because im sleepy. it was because i already forced myself to fall asleep keeping my eyes close even i wanted to stay awake the whole morning of christmas. my mind is reminding me that im tired but my fragile body doesn't feel anything at all. "you rest pls..." my mind is having difficulty transmitting and decoding that impulse that's why i was awake even my body is about to collapsed already.

I love this day. It may not be very important to some people but for most of us, this is the day that we've all been waiting for. it maybe just an ordinary day for some, a usual day that nothing so special about. but for me and for those millions of believers of Christ, "It's a day like no other."
But what is so different about christmas day?

It is special because it's Our Lord's day. Peace and calmness are felt during christmas morning when family celebrates together... when total strangers remove the line of unfamiliarity and acts as if everyone around is a member of a household under one roof...when people tend to smile rather than frown...when enemies forget and forgive and in a certain way they become friends...when people find time to reach out to their loved ones no matter how busy they are...but what is so great about christmas day is that there is a sense of unity among us inspite of the differences we have regardless of race and age. Like Fr. Michael used to tell us, we've waited long enough for this day but it passes very quickly, just in a snap of our fingers its gone. but... but its all worth it. every effort is paid off, every second of waiting is all worth it. Merry Christmas to ALL!

in memory of...

Regret comes in different forms and meanings. and it is always been in the end of every situation or occurences that we feel regretting. In the case of the death of our loved ones, we regret lots of things...words left unspoken, unexpressed emotions, love that was not shown. But even if how much we feel sad about it...even how many times we say our lament word "if i had only known"...even if we cried so much and blame ourselves because of it...nothing can undo or change the past. All we can do is live our life and move on. Only Our Creator has the answers to the mystery of death and the most better way of dealing with it is acceptance.

...Let us all pray for the soul of Mr. Richard John Gaddi...

...and my condolences to the rest of the family...

waaaaaahhhhh!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

thank u so much

i came back last monday (20/10/08) but my heart and soul is still not over my vacation in d phil. ive been forcing my brain to accept d fact dat "the 1month" of freedom and getting together with frends and family, who i miss being with, was finally over. it seems dat it was just yesterday wen im packing my things thinking wat im supposed to do wit my unplanned vacation but back to reality, everything is just part of d memory, which will never be forgotten.

yah, i did enjoyed it so much that im still missing it so badly wishing i stayed longer there. well, unplanned things are really full of surprises. most of them were really suprised when i got der and dat made it very exciting...seeing their faces with shock..ow! ...

so to all my frends who i spend my time with during those times, thank u so much. i really did have a great time. and to those whom i failed to hang out with i'll make it up to you next time. see you then. mwah

what's goin' on?

ITs been a long time since my last post here. I guess i've been very busy with some unnecessary things ...

what's up? what's new?

@@@ busy with my tiring split duty in the clinic

@@@ more time with my family ( my mom and dad)

@@@ playing with my psp...
... done playing legend of heroes which in fact i played twice already.
... thought that monster hunter freedom is quite interesting but becoz i cant slay the Yian kut-ku i stopped it and erased the game in the memory card...totally pissed off
... currently playing final fantasy crisis core and dungeon seige throne.

@@@ busy with my art career...
... maintaing my account in deviant, joining some contest there to avail for a subscription. well, if only i could afford it. waaahhh! but no luck and maybe my deviations are not that very good and impressive. i need to admit that lots of people excel in that field but not me hoping one day i could...

@@@ still waiting for my appointment in the hospital.
its been a year already and i still did not get the job in the hospital. i dont know why it took so long for them to hire me (but never did i consider the possibility that perhaps they just dont want to hire me at all...well, if it will take me a another year to wait maybe i will start thinking about that...waaahhh!)

@@@ trying to reach out to my friends but most of them are too busy already with their own
personal life and career...GOOD LUCK TO ALL!

@@@ deciding what to do first about my plan in taking the NCLEX-RN exam.

my mom's day

its my mom's birthday today. happy birthday mom....


i love you..mwah...mwah

artsite

pls do visit my account in deviantart.com

http://www.crazycha.deviantart.com/

happy birthday kuya

happy birthday my dearest kuya...mwah...

i need to survive

my mom left the country last sunday (april 6, 2008). she has her annual leave and she will stay there in the Philippines for a month. since i still have my work here, i was not able to come with her... so i'm alone here.

i need to manage everything on my own and thanks God im surviving.

It's the third day of my so-called independent month....28 days to go! whew!

alone has beauty

I do not know if you have ever been lonely; when you suddenly realize that you have no relationship with anybody - not an intellectual realization but a factual realization...and you are completely isolated. Every form of thought and emotion is blocked; you cannot turn anywhere; there is nobody to turn to; the gods, the angels, have all gone beyond the clouds and, as the clouds vanish they have also vanished; you are completely lonely - I will not use the word alone. Alone has quite a different meaning; alone has beauty. To be alone means something entirely different. And you must be alone. When man frees himself from the social structure of greed, envy, ambition, arrogance, achievement, status - when he frees himself from those, then he is completely alone. That is quite a different thing. Then there is great beauty, the feeling of great energy.
Alone Has Beauty - The Book of Life (December 1)

paintings

here are some of my artworks...

colorful sunset
watercolor & acrylic on Oil-painting paper
36 x 48 cm
REFERENCE PHOTO: "into the sun" by brumie
@ deviantart.com

sunset
watercolor on water color paper
42 x 29.7 cm
REFERENCE PHOTO: "The blurry sun" by crazycat_7
@ deviantart.com

im blue
watercolor on water color paper
42 x 29.7 cm
REFERENCE PHOTO: "Yesterday I Knew You" by

morbidthegrim @ deviantart.com

pinetree
Oil on Oil-painting paper
36 x 48 cm

this is what i want.

"I have fulfilled their dreams so now its time for me to pursue mine."

...after so many years of not being able to draw and paint...now finally im back to being an artist. i admit that im not very good at it. There is this one person who even told me that my work is a trash..."ano toh basura?"--> that was her exact words...It was back in my high school days (4th year to be exact). well, never mind about that.

Now i'm using oil for my painting. i'm also using watercolor & acrylic but i prefer oil the most because of its slow drying time and i can easily correct & remove unwanted brush strokes. but whenever i used such medium i find it so difficult to wash my brushes. i hate using solvents. it makes me sick. i planned to buy the odorless thinner for cleaning my brushes but since i have no time to visit an art gallery i stop using oil for now.

i promise to upload the pictures of my artworks. soon...

i may not be a very good artist or i may not become famous in this field but at least i'm enjoying. i really liked doing such thing.

conversion

It's my job interview tom...kinakabahan na ko....gudluck sakin...

well you know what? it was last wednesday when they told me.."Your interview would be on monday."

the same day...i started vomiting...i took phenergan tablet. it stopped. but then the following morning i passed out watery stool. gosh diarrhea naman! i went to the hospital got injected in the butt, instructed to rest and was given an IV infusion of flagyl. i went home & work with IV cannula...but now thanks God im ok.

was it because of my anxiety? huh?

well, i really dont know but maybe it was.

my emotional anxiety was converted into physical symptoms. what? conversion. i dont think so. never mind. anyway, just wish me luck.

registered nurse

after few months of waiting...finally, i received my Ministry of Health Registration Certificate. Now i am truly a registered nurse here in UAE. but when will i work in the hospital? that i dont know. Inshallah...

extremeness in life

when do you feel very pre-occupied? when do u feel u dont even know what is it that you feel? Dont know if its right to feel this way or not? How can you possibly cope up with the extremeness of what you are feeling?

how can you solve a problem when you dont even know what is it? dont even know how to describe it. dont know if its a problem or just part of our life we cant accept…

lots of unrecognized emotions, denials, sadness, madness, regrets, unanswered questions…all of which should be accepted even without undestanding it…without knowing why it happened for, why it happened now…for it will all be answered in God’s time.

i missed you lola. luv u.

im cold

hay, naku super lamig na poh dito...i never expected it to be this cold...prang may snow na...hahaha...sabi nga nila pag mainit dito super init at pag malamig nmn naku super lamig. as in super! u will be sick if u'll not wear jacket pero dun sa mga sanay na ok lng. lalo n ung mga makakapal ung balat at taba sa katawan pero ung mga kagaya kong sexy (hahahha) naku halos mafreeze na.

everyday, i used to wear 1 sando with blouse (yung makapal) then 2 jackets but then nanginginig parin me sa lamig. minsan nga nagbabaon p me ng socks eh. hahahha then pag gabi nmn hindi n effective ung simpleng kumot lng..dapat comforter na ang gamit mo.

hindi mo n rin pala kelangang gumamit ng ref kasi ung chocolate n iniwan ko sa table kusa nlng tumigas eh..hahaha...at pag magkakape ka inumin mo kaagad kung hindi para kng nagtimpla ng cold coffee..hahhaha

sana nga wag ng umulan ulit kasi sabi nila after ng ulan mas lalamig p ung environment...

anyhow, i still like it this way kesa sa super init.

welcome 2008

...wishing a better life for all of us this year...