reflective journal 3

DAY 3 (November 6, 2012)

  

I was on the process of doing an interview with my patient, clarifying some things regarding his health perception, when he told me that he knew that he has diabetes since long time, and I can see how he is feeling sad about it. Probably, when he was diagnosed with such condition, it was his “wake up call”.

We do value different wake-up call in life. There are significant events which shake us and give us the realization that there is something wrong. There comes a certain point in our life that we are forced to change. Sometimes we tend to live life the way we wanted it to be not remembering that there are some limitations in what we can and must do. Just like in the case of the people who were diagnosed with health disorders. Once they knew for the first time that they have this kind of disease/condition, whatever it is, it might influence them to change their lifestyle and reflect what had gone wrong with the way they live their life. Sometimes, we thought that we are living a perfect life and nothing could go wrong but in reality that is not the case.

I remember when my dad had his stroke; I was in my second year the time it happened. I clearly remembered how I felt that time. I was devastated. I feel like I was in an unfamiliar place and I was asking myself whether this is really happening. I was hoping that this will end and that we will be able to live the life we are living and nothing will change. Of course I was wrong. I was force to face the reality after that event, life will be different for my dad and for us as a family. I was feeling sorry for him. I wanted to blame him for being so irresponsible and for not taking care of his health. But who am I to do that, in fact I was also blaming myself for what happened. If only I could do something. It was a horrible wake up call for me because he was my source of strength and with what happened I knew it was my turn to be strong for him.

My patient undergone debridement of the gangrenous lesion in his right heel. Although no matter how many times he was given this kind of wake-up call, I just hope that he will value it this time before he will feel sorry in the end.

Charo Adame

reflective journal 2

DAY 2 (November 5, 2012)

Today, my patient was posted for debridement of the gangrenous lesion in his right heel. One of his co-workers had visited him and was asking about his condition. They had a short conversation but I can observe that he was happy and thankful about it that finally someone visited him and that someone cares. But I knew he would be happier if his family is here to support him. Since they were all in Pakistan, no one will be here for him today. No one will be able to tell him that everything will be okay. Although, I can do that for him, it will not be the same as his family’s support and assurance. I feel bad for his condition. I knew he can get through with it but the situation would be easier for him if they are here. 

His situation brings me to a realization that “there are some walks in our life that we have to take alone.” There are some decisions that we need to decide on our own. Although we have our support system, our family and friends to be there for us, there will come a time that we will be facing some problems and issues alone and we should decide for ourselves. Is it part of growing up or reality itself? I don’t know. I really don’t know. Whatever it is, whenever it will come, we should be prepared for it.

I grew up with my parents who were very supportive with what I want and what I do. They were always there to stand for every decision I make. They were there to give their opinions and what they think is right. I always ask for their guidance but sometimes because of so much support from them I feel do dependent. I was once faced with difficulty in deciding for myself. I find it hard to decide alone. That’s why I fear that day when I will be walking and taking a step by my own. I don’t know if I would be prepared for it, I knew I need to be.

I wanted to be there for my patient, I wanted him to feel that he is not alone. But who am I to him, probably he is thinking that I was just a student nurse who was there for just the sake of completing my requirements. If only I could communicate with him a little deeper. If only I can fully express to him that I know what he feels right now, maybe he will feel a little better.

Charo Adame

reflective journal day 1

Day 1 (November 4, 2012)

It was nice to be a student again, I survived my first day of duty in my so-called “student life”. I was a bit nervous at first knowing that I would be working in a totally new place with new set of people. It went well; the staff there had been really helpful and friendly with me. But what overwhelmed me is the census of patient. 52! Whoa! Comparing to the hospital where I am working right now, it is a whole lot of number. It is almost four times our usual patient census. Well, the staff here had been really working a lot that makes them very knowledgeable and expert in their field.

In my life as a nurse and as a student, I’ve met a lot of people dealing with Diabetes. There are some who are managing it well, being positive in every way and seeing it in a different light. There are those who let the condition take over their life, simply believing that they cannot do anything about it and that their life is over. Worst of all, there are those who deny it and simply go along with what they want in life, not worried at all with the dangers diabetes can bring and its complication. Who am I to judge them? I know nothing about how they feel and how the condition of being diabetic changed their life. All I know is that it somehow pain them to answer me, every time I will ask “When did you lost your limb?” My patient’s left big toe was amputated 2 years ago but still he doesn't look comfortable discussing it with me.

I can say that the disease process of diabetes can be understood easily by reading and studying but the pain it brings to the life of those who are diagnosed is very hard to describe. How much more those who had been amputated and had lost a part of their body? I cannot imagine myself in that kind of situation. Losing a precious part of our body, even how small it is, is indeed very difficult to accept. Perhaps it is the same feeling as loosing someone who you valued the most. Although you can get through it, you will never be the same and complete again.

I've been asking myself, what can I do to help this man? How do I tell him that everything will be okay? And that he can get through it? How do I communicate with him the importance of lifestyle modification in managing diabetes without feeling so much sorry for his condition and without sounding like I am blaming it on him? That’s the part I need to learn as a nurse. I guess the most valuable thing I can just do for him is to let him know that he is not alone in this battle and that there is someone who cares to help him get through with it. If we cannot do anything to lighten their burden then let’s just help them to have a strong back so they can endure the weight of what they had been carrying.

selfish me.

I was watching PBB Teen Edition last night. Since its mother's day, Big Brother allowed the housemates to meet and talk to their mom in person. They were asked by kuya whether they would want their mom to visit. Each one of them will enter a dark room, inside is one table with a lamp. If they want to invite their mom to come, they need to turn on the lamp. Almost all of them want their mom to come and join them but one housemate refuses to do so. Its not that she doesn't like to see her mom. It's not that she doesn't miss her. She decided not to invite her because no one will take care of her brothers and sisters at home. She was trying to tell herself that she can manage alone but her siblings might without her mom. See how much she loves and cares for her family? Watching that episode made me realize how selfish I am. Just today, I was feeling sad because my bf will go for vacation tom and unluckily I will not be with him. Selfish me! I should be happy for him because he will be with his family again after almost 11 months. I feel so bad being me. This just proves how selfish and immature I am. Sorry...

my personal experience of love

I’ve read so many books that talked about love and I can say that no author is good and qualified enough to define, let alone describe it. We all have our own experience: of love, of loving and of being loved. Some are lucky to find it, others are not. In most cases it comes the least we expect it.

Love takes us by surprise.

Yes, love took me by surprise. It came into my life without me knowing it. It came just like that. It came exactly the time when I was in love with someone else. I was not prepared for it. I was wrong to believe that I was deeply in love with that person. Because if I was I won’t feel any doubt, I won’t let any chance for another one to come into my life.

But, love takes us by surprise.

I met a total stranger who changed the path I was traveling long before. I thought I was living my life the way it should be. I thought I was happy. I thought I didn’t need anyone and anything else and that no one could change the way I’m feeling…but I was so wrong…

…Because Love takes me by surprise.

The new love was greater than I was experiencing. He came and he changed everything. At first I sense that it was merely a feeling that will pass…something that will not last…but I was totally wrong…because it does stay. I don’t know until when but even if it will go for sure it will leave a mark.

Love takes me by surprise.

We had been introduced. We exchanged smile. We talked in a casual way. We chat. We exchange calls and text messages. We stayed like this for months. I was able to know him better. He was able to know me better. We became friends but it didn’t just stop there.

Love takes me by surprise.

Emotions are getting stronger and in everyday it is getting better and brighter. We started feeling in love…until we decided to be “in a relationship”. Our world became bigger. We both became part of each other’s world. I started to call him my “MINE”.

Love takes me by surprise.

We are “in a relationship” for almost a year and 6 months…and I can tell that I was never been this happy and contented in my life. We might not have the perfect boyfriend-girlfriend relationship but it doesn’t matter because we both are willing to compromise for each other. We both will do our best to make things work between us.

-cha

do you know how pearls are made?

Ordinarily this is caused by a grain of sand, shell fragment, parasite of microscopic size, or even a tiny fish or crab becoming lodged next to or within the body of an oyster (or in some cases, other mollusks) and setting up an irritation. The oyster host responds to this irritation by covering the foreign object with nacre, the same substance with which its shell is lined. The pearl itself then becomes the irritant and gradually builds up as layer after layer of nacre is deposited. Thus a cross-section of a mature pearl resembles that of an onion with many concentric layers, one within the other. -----Rosenstiel School of Marine & Atmospheric Science Library

"dirt" = irritating to the soft tissues of the oyster
"nacre" = substance that covers the dirt

Isa ito sa mga topic ni father sa retreat nais ko lamang ibahagi sa inyo para mainspired din kau...
Yung "dirt" daw na sinasabi ay sumisimbolo sa mga bagay n nakakairita satin halimbawa n lamang sa mga problema natin sa buhay...ang "nacre" nmn ay sumisimbolo sa paraan ng pagharap natin sa mga problema...maaari taung tumakbo para umiwas dito o kaya nmn buong tapang nating harapin upang malutas ito...
Kung tatakbo tau hindi tau magkakaroon ng pearl...kung haharapan natin ang problema sa positibong paraan siguradong makakabuo tau nito...
ang "pearl" n ito ay maaaring simbolo ng "tagumpay" o "positibong pagbabago"...kaya kung sa tingin natin eh napakaraming "dirt" sa buhay natin.. lagi lamang natin isipin na...

"Without dirt there can be no pearls"