that hurtful moment

Hello world, it has been so long since I updated you with what’s going on with me. Perhaps, I was indeed very busy with my “happy-and-almost-perfect life” (that was I thought). Well, in between there are problems and difficulties arising but I can say it was absolutely great. I felt happy and contented because it seems like everything is just so right and that God has blessed me with more than I deserve. Yes I thanked Him for everything.

But then, not all travel is smooth sailing. Not all journeys are hassle-free. Life is never without hurtful moments. Life is never without pain. The very reason that I am writing this post is not so inspiring, not at all. Yes something went wrong. Sorry I can’t tell you the exact details but I just want to let go of what I am feeling right now. I just need someone who will listen because I could not take it all alone. I might just breakdown.

I feel betrayed. I feel unloved. I feel scared.

I wanted to get even. I wanted to share my pain.

I thought I was okay. I thought I can just easily forgive and forget. But it was not that easy. In fact, it was the most difficult part of experiencing pain, the forgiving part. You can’t leave the fact that only by forgiving the person who hurts you will allow you to actually go through and get over with the pain and start healing. Yes forgiving and forgetting is the most difficult thing to do because you have to swallow your pride and act as if nothing had ever happened. It is so hard, but it is the most liberating part. It will allow you to truly move on and get on with your life. 

I guess it will take a lot of time to do such thing and I’m hoping to be there soon. 

selfish me.

I was watching PBB Teen Edition last night. Since its mother's day, Big Brother allowed the housemates to meet and talk to their mom in person. They were asked by kuya whether they would want their mom to visit. Each one of them will enter a dark room, inside is one table with a lamp. If they want to invite their mom to come, they need to turn on the lamp. Almost all of them want their mom to come and join them but one housemate refuses to do so. Its not that she doesn't like to see her mom. It's not that she doesn't miss her. She decided not to invite her because no one will take care of her brothers and sisters at home. She was trying to tell herself that she can manage alone but her siblings might without her mom. See how much she loves and cares for her family? Watching that episode made me realize how selfish I am. Just today, I was feeling sad because my bf will go for vacation tom and unluckily I will not be with him. Selfish me! I should be happy for him because he will be with his family again after almost 11 months. I feel so bad being me. This just proves how selfish and immature I am. Sorry...

Dapithapon

“A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and 

dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.”

--Abraham J. Heschel

Most of us have this feeling of not wanting to grow old. Personally, growing old is one of my many fears. Hair loss, wrinkles, poor vision, lessened hearing ability and decreased functioning are just some of those many changes that comes with old age but it is not the reason why I am scared of becoming old. These physical changes are inevitable part of the aging process and everyone will experience it someday. 

What is it that I fear about growing old?

After watching the documentary film "Dapithapon", I was finally able to answer myself. Growing old alone is what truly frightens me! Having no one to share your sentiments in life can be very depressing and lonely. 

Looking at the life of Lola Anching and Lola Lydia on how in a very old age they still manage to earn a living is deeply hurting. With their condition, they should be just relaxing and enjoying the rest of their days but because of poverty they couldn't just sit around. Just like in the case of Lola Anching who is hoping to somehow help her family by selling goods in the street. I was greatly moved how she is sacrificing to sleep in the doorstep of their house because there was no more room 

for her to stay in.

The film does not only portray the issue of poverty but as well as the lack of care and concern of the

family for the elderly. It was also shown in the documentary the life of many abandoned elderly inside the home for the aged center wherein they are being taken care of strangers instead of their own relatives. Being part of the family, our grandmothers and grandfathers have the right to be loved and cared of.

Lessons Learned:

• Patience and respect is what they really needed. Taking care of the elderly will really test our patience so by putting ourselves in their position can somehow help us to understand them better. Let us make them feel that they are appreciated and well respected by listening in whatever they have to say.

• Be thankful for everything. In spite their unfortunate living condition, Lola Anching and Lola Lydia has still something to be thankful of: they are still surviving!

Care for the elderly: family or government's responsibility?

Both the family and the government have the responsibility of giving care and assistance to the older population. According to the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines Article XV The family Section IV, "The family has the duty to care for its elderly members but the state may also do so through just programs of social security. The government has vital role in encouraging the families to care for the elderly by formulating and implementing policies.

Should they be discouraged from earning their living?

The government has the duty to assist those senior citizens who still wishes to work and is capable to do so by providing them of information and services which will help them to be productive. Training programs to develop or enhance their skills will be implemented by some of the government agencies such as the Department of Labor and Employment (DOLE) and Department of Trade and Industry (DTI).

If they still have the capability to work and if that is really what they want then let us give them the opportunity to be fruitful but not to the point that the burden of supporting the family for a living will still be on their shoulder.

other videos: 
Dapithapon (2 of 5)
Dapithapon (3 of 5)
Dapithapon (5 of 5)

References:

• Natividad, et al (2005). Caring for the Older Person. UP Open University.
• Philippine Constitutional Law. Retrieved from http://www.chanrobles.com/article15family.htm
• Republic Act no. 9257. retrieved from http://www.chanrobles.com/republicactno9257.htm

to be a nurse . . .

to be a nurse here in UAE, requires u: to be perfect, to work and work and work, to answer non-sense questions, to welcome complains about almost everything, to smile inspite of verbal abuse, not to prioritize but to treat all patient as emergency, to deal with each and everyone as VIP. you are not allowed to commit even minor error...TO BE A NURSE HERE IS NOT TO BE HUMAN.

life will never be perfect

She felt as though she’s failing in every aspect of her life. For some people it maybe that perfect. She got a job and having one is such a wonderful blessing already because almost everywhere lots of people are getting laid off. She is with her family, which everyone wishes if they happen to be in an unfamiliar country like this. But it doesn’t give her that much satisfaction and comfort in life. Not even once did she ever think that her life was that perfect. Its not that she’s not thankful about every little good things she has but maybe she is just human, a very fragile one. Someone who is not contented, craving for more success and satisfaction she can get from things and from people around her. Someone who is tired…Someone who doesn’t know what she wanted in life… “What do I want?” she asked herself. She had been asking this question many times before. “What does she wants?” What does she really wants? Does it matter at all? Maybe it does because almost all of her life she had been doing what other wants…what can make them happy not what can make her happy. She thinks that by satisfying them can make her happy and contented. Before she was that happy but now why does she felt this way? Why is it that she doubts her feelings now? Is it because she wanted a different job? That the job she has right now is not the same as the one she was dreaming of? Is it because she doesn’t want to be here? That this place is not the exact place where she would want to be?


Knowing the fact that everything she has is not what she really wanted, but she can live with it…That’s what she’s been doing for years…trying to be happy and grateful with what she has. She didn’t even know why the hell she felt this way? …feeling down and lonely… Everything would have been okay but it feels that she’s missing something…that there is one piece of the puzzle that is missing and only by finding it can make everything fall into the right place…maybe by finding that someone might spice up her life and maybe she might have found it already but it’s just that she’s too afraid of so many things. Maybe this time she’s being careful, she doesn’t want to end up alone and cold because of very high expectations that aren’t met. Perhaps it’s better not to expect anything. Maybe if she didn’t expect things to end up the way she wanted it then she could have been that happy…truly happy. But it’s not that easy to do….


…life will never be that perfect…It can never be and I need to live with it…

-cha-

extremeness in life

when do you feel very pre-occupied? when do u feel u dont even know what is it that you feel? Dont know if its right to feel this way or not? How can you possibly cope up with the extremeness of what you are feeling?

how can you solve a problem when you dont even know what is it? dont even know how to describe it. dont know if its a problem or just part of our life we cant accept...

lots of unrecognized emotions, denials, sadness, madness, regrets, unanswered questions...all of which should be accepted even without undestanding it...without knowing why it happened for, why it happened now...for it will all be answered in God's time.

i missed you lola. luv u.

in fantasy

"I know in reality we can't be together, so I just close my eyes and you're right here with me... in my dreams you're mine forever."