that hurtful moment

Hello world, it has been so long since I updated you with what’s going on with me. Perhaps, I was indeed very busy with my “happy-and-almost-perfect life” (that was I thought). Well, in between there are problems and difficulties arising but I can say it was absolutely great. I felt happy and contented because it seems like everything is just so right and that God has blessed me with more than I deserve. Yes I thanked Him for everything.

But then, not all travel is smooth sailing. Not all journeys are hassle-free. Life is never without hurtful moments. Life is never without pain. The very reason that I am writing this post is not so inspiring, not at all. Yes something went wrong. Sorry I can’t tell you the exact details but I just want to let go of what I am feeling right now. I just need someone who will listen because I could not take it all alone. I might just breakdown.

I feel betrayed. I feel unloved. I feel scared.

I wanted to get even. I wanted to share my pain.

I thought I was okay. I thought I can just easily forgive and forget. But it was not that easy. In fact, it was the most difficult part of experiencing pain, the forgiving part. You can’t leave the fact that only by forgiving the person who hurts you will allow you to actually go through and get over with the pain and start healing. Yes forgiving and forgetting is the most difficult thing to do because you have to swallow your pride and act as if nothing had ever happened. It is so hard, but it is the most liberating part. It will allow you to truly move on and get on with your life. 

I guess it will take a lot of time to do such thing and I’m hoping to be there soon. 

Pain experience

In the morning when I came to visit my patient, she was indeed very pleased to see me. She was far way better than the previous days I had been with her. I asked her why she is in such a happy mood today. She was enthusiastically answering my question and I was very glad about it. She was very thankful because she was able to tell her mom about her hospitalization but mostly she’s happy because finally the doctor agreed to sedate her during the procedure PTMC (Percutaneous Transvenous Mitral Commissurotomy). She had been discussing this matter with the doctor and finally they agreed that’s why nothing can change the way she’s feeling right now. Although it was discussed to her many times that this will not cause her so much pain, what really frightens her is that maybe she will not be able to tolerate the procedure.

Pain is defined as an unpleasant sensation which occurs in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder. We all have our own experience of pain and of being hurt by someone or by something. Whatever it is that causes us pain, we tend to avoid it because we don’t want to experience the same feeling we had felt before. We are frightened to be in that kind of situation once more. We don’t want to be in that same experience again. But did it ever cross our mind at least once that in most times, it is in pain that we find meaning in life?

Pain experience leads us to so many realizations in life. Imagine those who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses, they are hurt so much both physically and emotionally and this makes them realized so many things in their life. I don’t know exactly what they are feeling because I was not in that kind of situation and I would never want to be. But as what I’ve observed with the patients I’ve handled and encountered, sick people value life more than those who are well. I can say that those who are with health conditions tend to have a more positive outlook in life. They see their life in a different way, that even in their darkest hour they can still see a light, a glimpse of hope that everything will be okay.

It is pain that reminds us that there is something in life that we should value. It is in pain that we realized the importance of family, friend, relationship, companionship and so many things. It is in pain that we value our faith and recognize the existence of God. It is in pain that we discover our own strength.

As a nurse, who had been exposed to patients experiencing different kinds of pain, I have realized that there are so many things that I should value in life.  I should be very thankful to God for so many things, I am not the one who is sick and needs help would be one. I have the opportunity to touch someone’s life and help them make the most of it would be another thing. I am alive and ready to experience what pain life would bring because I so believe that I have my friends and family who will be there when such time comes.

May we all have the same realizations in life even without the experience of pain.  

Charo @ 28

I may age but my heart and mind will forever be a kid. 

my personal experience of love

I’ve read so many books that talked about love and I can say that no author is good and qualified enough to define, let alone describe it. We all have our own experience: of love, of loving and of being loved. Some are lucky to find it, others are not. In most cases it comes the least we expect it.

Love takes us by surprise.

Yes, love took me by surprise. It came into my life without me knowing it. It came just like that. It came exactly the time when I was in love with someone else. I was not prepared for it. I was wrong to believe that I was deeply in love with that person. Because if I was I won’t feel any doubt, I won’t let any chance for another one to come into my life.

But, love takes us by surprise.

I met a total stranger who changed the path I was traveling long before. I thought I was living my life the way it should be. I thought I was happy. I thought I didn’t need anyone and anything else and that no one could change the way I’m feeling…but I was so wrong…

…Because Love takes me by surprise.

The new love was greater than I was experiencing. He came and he changed everything. At first I sense that it was merely a feeling that will pass…something that will not last…but I was totally wrong…because it does stay. I don’t know until when but even if it will go for sure it will leave a mark.

Love takes me by surprise.

We had been introduced. We exchanged smile. We talked in a casual way. We chat. We exchange calls and text messages. We stayed like this for months. I was able to know him better. He was able to know me better. We became friends but it didn’t just stop there.

Love takes me by surprise.

Emotions are getting stronger and in everyday it is getting better and brighter. We started feeling in love…until we decided to be “in a relationship”. Our world became bigger. We both became part of each other’s world. I started to call him my “MINE”.

Love takes me by surprise.

We are “in a relationship” for almost a year and 6 months…and I can tell that I was never been this happy and contented in my life. We might not have the perfect boyfriend-girlfriend relationship but it doesn’t matter because we both are willing to compromise for each other. We both will do our best to make things work between us.

-cha

lost soul

...a part of me was lost. nothing and no one could ever replace...

application essay

Mafi Fulos is an Arabic phrase which means “no money”. It was actually the first phrase I learned when I was new in United Arab Emirates. Now that I’m 3 years here, although I can’t speak Arabic fluently, I knew a lot of words and phrases already. It was not that easy and until now I’m striving and still on the process of learning. Since my Arabic vocabulary is very limited, I experienced difficulty communicating effectively with patient because not all of them can speak and understand English. This is just one of the many challenges I need to face in a foreign country like this. Working abroad requires nurses including me to be more competent in dealing with the demands brought about by race and culture differences, new working environment, language barrier and many other factors. Only through education and specialization can enable nurses to meet these demands and challenges.

I am Charo Adame, 25 years old, a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Nursing Batch 2006. I have learned the basic of my profession. However, I knew I still have a lot to learn and I am genuinely interested in acquiring more knowledge on my chosen field. I am part of the Nursing Research Committee in the hospital where I am working. And for this year 2010, I recently joined the Education and Training Committee in the same hospital. If ever I will be given a chance to be a part of your master’s program, it will allow me to build on the foundations needed for me to be able to perform my duties as a nurse and at the same time as a member of the committee I am currently in right now.

As for my professional and personal growth, I feel the need for masteral study. It involves a lot of hard work and commitment and I think I am ready for it. Before, I was once frustrated by my lack of direction. I already applied in your graduate school last 2007 but was not accepted because I don’t have enough clinical experience that time. I didn’t try to apply again the following year because I already got a job here in UAE and it will be impossible for me to attend the regular classes. Only after 3 yrs, I was able to know through internet that you are also offering distance education. I just hope that maybe this time I will be given a chance. I know exactly what I want now, that is to earn a master’s degree with major in Adult Health Nursing.

Achieving a master’s degree can open doors for other opportunities for me related to my profession. In the years ahead, I hope to get a position at a hospital or other medical institution wherein I can indulge in my primary interest, which is to be part of a scientific research. I also want to devote myself in teaching. I am more excited and enthusiastic in achieving my academic goals. I realized that by consistently working towards it, however small they may seem I can accomplish what I set for myself.

fact of life

everything will eventually change. some people stay. others leave. everything will come and go. people come and go too. no matter how hard we hold on, we cant break the cycle. Death is part of that cycle of life. we all will experience it. we all will have that unbearable pain of loosing someone. we all will shed tears...

.... no words of sympathy are good enough to ease the pain. no words can comfort you. no matter what they say. IT WILL JUST HURT THE SAME. It doesnt change the fact that you lose someone you treasured the most...

But no matter how life changed, each of us should move on...In doing so, there will always be self doubt whether you will be able to do it...of course you can. you will. you should. it will happen but it takes time...

private property

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She desires and deserves to be love. Similar to all other human beings, she needs someone to be with her side; someone who could understand her deeply even her shortcomings; someone who will inspire her not only to become better but to be in her best; someone who will remind her to take a break if things are getting out of control. Someone who will whole-heartedly accept her past, help her live with the present and be with her in welcoming the future. That someone needs not to be perfect. Being with that special someone can make her life a bit easier and worth living for. Finding and loving that someone would be her greatest victory. She might not ask for more…but that “someone” cannot be her private property.

We cannot own the one we love. -cha-

not-so-good-comments from not-so-good-people

why do people gossip too much? its fine if they will talked about something positive. Personal opinions and comments that are inspiring, motivating, pleasing to the ear. but what if its about something that is degrading, offensive and humiliating... super negative thoughts that will not only hurt your emotions (as if stabbing you directly in the heart) but will injure your soul as well?

Its just very easy for us to comment negatively to someone but sometimes we need to think about it whether its proper to say it loud. we are all free to express our opinions on something about life and anything whether its positive or negative but somehow consider the feelings of the people around you. its okay if its just constructive criticism...atleast the "not-so-very-good-comment" of yours will serve as a challenge to improve someone's life.

Sad to say but gossip is already part of our society. its a habit for some who doesnt have to do anything about their life so they find it interesting to talk about other's life, perhaps maybe they're not personally happy with their own and can't tell it to their face that their "life sucks." yah their life sucks and they cant do anything to change it so they make yours suck more so they will suck less. waaaaahhh. stupid right?

i hate such people. its just fine if they will tell it to your face. but what if not and the "stupid-ignorant-you" doesnt know anything at all...finding out one day that you're the talk of the town because of such gossip from such "super mean people". grrr. isnt that very irritating? why cant they just simply shut up? why do they need to talk about you? what will they gain out of it? huh?

-cha-

love

I've got the same old heart with a brand new beat ...

life will never be perfect

She felt as though she’s failing in every aspect of her life. For some people it maybe that perfect. She got a job and having one is such a wonderful blessing already because almost everywhere lots of people are getting laid off. She is with her family, which everyone wishes if they happen to be in an unfamiliar country like this. But it doesn’t give her that much satisfaction and comfort in life. Not even once did she ever think that her life was that perfect. Its not that she’s not thankful about every little good things she has but maybe she is just human, a very fragile one. Someone who is not contented, craving for more success and satisfaction she can get from things and from people around her. Someone who is tired…Someone who doesn’t know what she wanted in life… “What do I want?” she asked herself. She had been asking this question many times before. “What does she wants?” What does she really wants? Does it matter at all? Maybe it does because almost all of her life she had been doing what other wants…what can make them happy not what can make her happy. She thinks that by satisfying them can make her happy and contented. Before she was that happy but now why does she felt this way? Why is it that she doubts her feelings now? Is it because she wanted a different job? That the job she has right now is not the same as the one she was dreaming of? Is it because she doesn’t want to be here? That this place is not the exact place where she would want to be?


Knowing the fact that everything she has is not what she really wanted, but she can live with it…That’s what she’s been doing for years…trying to be happy and grateful with what she has. She didn’t even know why the hell she felt this way? …feeling down and lonely… Everything would have been okay but it feels that she’s missing something…that there is one piece of the puzzle that is missing and only by finding it can make everything fall into the right place…maybe by finding that someone might spice up her life and maybe she might have found it already but it’s just that she’s too afraid of so many things. Maybe this time she’s being careful, she doesn’t want to end up alone and cold because of very high expectations that aren’t met. Perhaps it’s better not to expect anything. Maybe if she didn’t expect things to end up the way she wanted it then she could have been that happy…truly happy. But it’s not that easy to do….


…life will never be that perfect…It can never be and I need to live with it…

-cha-

my new shoes

A new pair of shoes gives you excitement but what if you have to choose between 2 pairs. One is new and the other one old but you very well love it. You are confused because you need to dispose one pair of shoes, whether to keep the old and not to buy the new or to throw the old shoes and buy the new one. It was not a big deal for some but for you it is because you only have one space left in your shoe rack so you cant keep them both…you really need to choose.

Having options is very rewarding but the hardest part of it is that you have to pick one (strictly one ONLY) between those options. Opinions from others might help but in the end you are alone to decide. Smart decision making is a must because once you dispose one pair, there is no turning back. Remember the “No return no exchange” policy.

Comparison between them might also help somehow…

The new one has exactly the kind and style everyone is searching for. It was very simple but attractive. Its beauty is ideal for all. Most people around you definitely like it. They prefer it more than the old shoes you have been wearing for years. As for your own personal preference, you honestly like it also but there is a big question mark. “Should you keep it to replace the old?” What if you will not be comfortable wearing it? What if it will not last long?

The old shoes on the other hand, was one of your favorite. You only not like it but you love it as well. It was not that very stylish but its design is exotic…very rare. Unlike the new one, it was not the ideal shoes. In fact most of the people are not pleased to look at it but it was very comfortable. It’s always there when you needed it; never fail to make you happy. It has served you for years but all things have their imperfections and as time passed by, it’s already hurting you. It’s not that very comfortable than before. Are you ready to dispose it? “Are you ready to let go?”

…I keep on thinking about it every now and then. I don’t know what will happen after I finally choose. I really don’t know. The only one thing that is clear with me right now is that I’m willing to take a risk. I think I’m ready to welcome the new and say goodbye to the old. Oh God blessed my new shoes so it will serve very well its new master.

-cha-