deadly nightmares

Scared of deadly nightmare.

“One night, I was asleep and I suddenly woke up. I thought I was awake but I am not.

I was still lying on my bed, it was dark but I can still somehow see my surroundings.

I wanted to get up but I can’t. I am unable to move my body.

I screamed but it seems like no voice is coming out of my mouth. My brother was deeply asleep beside me so he doesn’t know that I’m struggling to move and fighting to breathe. If only he knew for sure he will try to wake me up.  I struggled. I struggled hard for my life.”

            This was my first experience of “bangungot”. I don’t know exactly the English word for it so I personally termed it as a “deadly nightmare” because every time I have this kind of dream, it feels like someone is trying to kill me. I cannot move and I can’t breathe. Moving my big toe while praying at the same time helps me wake up every time I experienced this horrible nightmare. 

I was in high school when I first had this kind of scary dream. My dad used to experience the same thing so he knew what I’m going through most of the night. He told me that it’s related to high salt intake especially before going to bed. I researched about it in the internet. It says there that most of the people who died because of it have hemorrhagic pancreatitis based on autopsy findings.

            How Kurt Lewin’s Change Theory helped me modify my lifestyle:

1.      Stage 1: Unfreezing         
“understanding that change was necessary”

I was scared. Nights with this deadly nightmares became more frequent, I told myself that its time for me to change. What motivate me to modify my lifestyle in terms of dietary habit of high salt intake, is the fear of death. I know that I need to do something or I will just end up dead one night.

2.      Stage 2: Moving (Change or Transition)            
“moving towards a new way”

My dad really helped me a lot by being so strict in my diet. He was also advised to have a low salt diet because of his hypertension so we went through with it together. Ketchup, fish sauce and “toyo-mansi” (Soy Sauce with Kalamansi) are not allowed. I also avoid eating pancit canton and chips including Pringles (sour cream flavor was my favorite).

3.      Stage 3: Refreezing                      
“establishing stability and internalizing the change”

After a month of modifying my diet, scary nights became less. It was not much of a problem to me anymore. I can now sleep peacefully and deeply. When my dad died a year ago, I totally get rid of it. Until now I never experience the same scary night.

… Maybe my dad took it away from me? Or is it the effect of change? ...

REFERENCE:

Kurt Lewin Change Management Model. Retrieved from http://www.change-management-coach.com/kurt_lewin.html

i cant swim.

... i woke up suddenly. wahhhhh earthquake!. i thought it was just part of a bad dream. i didnt move an inch, i just stayed in my bed thinking if its real or not. it was not the earthquake that frightens me but the darkness in my room. Few minutes after it happened my dad was rushing out from his bedroom to check on me. i immediately went out of my room also. i sat beside him and we chatted for a awhile. He told me that he was too worried because "i cant swim!" waaaahhhhh. My dad is very futuristic. he was thinking of "tsunami". very thoughtful right.
anyway, dont know if i will be able to sleep again...