the child within us

Sometimes an uncontrollable feeling of sadness grips us. We recognize that the magic moment of the day has passed and that we’ve done nothing about it. Life begins to conceal its magic and its art.

We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice.
The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

If we are not reborn ---if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of childhood---it makes no sense to go on living.
There are many ways to commit suicide. Those who try to kill the body violate God’s law. Those who try to kill the soul also violate God’s law, even though their crime is less visible than others.

We have to pay attention to the child in our hearts tells us. We should not be embarrassed by this child. We must not allow this child to be scared because the child is alone and is almost never heard.

We must allow the child to take the reins of our lives. The child knows that each day is different from every other day.

We have to allow it to feel loved again. We must please this child---even if this means that we act in ways we are not used to. In ways that may seem foolish to others.

Remember that human wisdom is madness in the eyes of God. But if we listen to the child who lives in our soul, our eyes will grow bright.

If we do not lose contact with the child, we will not lose contact with life.

--------By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. PAULO COELHO----------

lost soul

...a part of me was lost. nothing and no one could ever replace...

infinity of the Sky and the abyss of the Earth...

Aquarius and Scorpio.

Total level difference! And a matching power between two extremes without which our life would be impossible.

Aquarius seems to deny his/her terrestrial origins, and Scorpio seems to forget his/her celestial ideal; one tends to go up and the other to go down.

It's practically a relationship between two sun signs that most often communicate on completely different frequencies. A combination usually thought of as impossible or very difficult, as Aquarius isn't very patient with Scorpio's emotional, introvert and jealous nature, while Scorpio will hardly tolerate Aquarius' careless independence.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.



Charles C. Finn
September 1966

application essay

Mafi Fulos is an Arabic phrase which means “no money”. It was actually the first phrase I learned when I was new in United Arab Emirates. Now that I’m 3 years here, although I can’t speak Arabic fluently, I knew a lot of words and phrases already. It was not that easy and until now I’m striving and still on the process of learning. Since my Arabic vocabulary is very limited, I experienced difficulty communicating effectively with patient because not all of them can speak and understand English. This is just one of the many challenges I need to face in a foreign country like this. Working abroad requires nurses including me to be more competent in dealing with the demands brought about by race and culture differences, new working environment, language barrier and many other factors. Only through education and specialization can enable nurses to meet these demands and challenges.

I am Charo Adame, 25 years old, a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Nursing Batch 2006. I have learned the basic of my profession. However, I knew I still have a lot to learn and I am genuinely interested in acquiring more knowledge on my chosen field. I am part of the Nursing Research Committee in the hospital where I am working. And for this year 2010, I recently joined the Education and Training Committee in the same hospital. If ever I will be given a chance to be a part of your master’s program, it will allow me to build on the foundations needed for me to be able to perform my duties as a nurse and at the same time as a member of the committee I am currently in right now.

As for my professional and personal growth, I feel the need for masteral study. It involves a lot of hard work and commitment and I think I am ready for it. Before, I was once frustrated by my lack of direction. I already applied in your graduate school last 2007 but was not accepted because I don’t have enough clinical experience that time. I didn’t try to apply again the following year because I already got a job here in UAE and it will be impossible for me to attend the regular classes. Only after 3 yrs, I was able to know through internet that you are also offering distance education. I just hope that maybe this time I will be given a chance. I know exactly what I want now, that is to earn a master’s degree with major in Adult Health Nursing.

Achieving a master’s degree can open doors for other opportunities for me related to my profession. In the years ahead, I hope to get a position at a hospital or other medical institution wherein I can indulge in my primary interest, which is to be part of a scientific research. I also want to devote myself in teaching. I am more excited and enthusiastic in achieving my academic goals. I realized that by consistently working towards it, however small they may seem I can accomplish what I set for myself.

fact of life

everything will eventually change. some people stay. others leave. everything will come and go. people come and go too. no matter how hard we hold on, we cant break the cycle. Death is part of that cycle of life. we all will experience it. we all will have that unbearable pain of loosing someone. we all will shed tears...

.... no words of sympathy are good enough to ease the pain. no words can comfort you. no matter what they say. IT WILL JUST HURT THE SAME. It doesnt change the fact that you lose someone you treasured the most...

But no matter how life changed, each of us should move on...In doing so, there will always be self doubt whether you will be able to do it...of course you can. you will. you should. it will happen but it takes time...

sorry dad. i came home late again.

that's the first thing i used to tell my dad whenever im late in going home. no problem anak basta safe kang nakauwi is his usual reply. he used to wait for me...and even how late it is already he would stay awake. he will wait patiently. i miss it dad...not the part wherein i made u so worried...what i miss is that the small talk we have after my gimiks. you would always want to hear almost everything that happened during the time i was out of the house...how i spent the day and night with friends...how i enjoyed....even how i came home drunk at times...even how non-sense it is you still have time to listen. i wish i could still share it with you dad....

........dad, i went home safe. u can sleep now...........

miss you. miss everything about you...