we are here to learn

"We're all here to learn something. Sometimes we learn it in the worst possible way. Sometimes we have to face something we don't think we can live through in order to show ourselves that we can live through hell and still come out on the other side." ---If I Could Turn Back Time by Beth Harbison.

losing touch with reality

It is almost a year since I started working in an Alzheimer's unit. We know the fact that this disease causes forgetfulness to a point where the person no longer remembers his/her own memories, loved ones and even how to do simple things like eating, dressing oneself and toileting. I've seen different faces of it. It steals a person's right to live a normal and quality life. Conversations are replaced with blank stares and repetitive words or phrases. Coherent thoughts wander off to somewhere else. It causes a person to lose touch with reality and be lost in his/her own world.

The daily experience of interacting with people who have Alzheimer's disease changes you. It somehow changed me. It brought me  a lot of realizations in life. It widened my understanding and patience. It allows me to be grateful to the things I can still do for myself. I hold on to my memories may it be good or bad. I value more my freedom and independence now more than ever. I cherish every moment I spend with family and friends.

Sad to say but this can happen to me or to anyone that I know. Thinking about this, I want to tell the world that behind the distorted reality there is still a person who would want to feel loved and cared for.

Please spare a little time to know me as a person so you can help me better when I can no longer do anything for myself:

1. My name is Charo but you can call me "Cha". Please don't use any other names or labels that you want.

2. I like colourful clothes. I love red, blue and yellow but pink is my favourite colour. Allow me to choose the clothes I want to wear if I am still able to do so. I prefer dresses over pants but not if it's too cold. You can put layers of clothing because at most times I feel cold and I may not be able to say it.

3. Most of my life, I have long hair and I would like it that way. You can cut it if you want but please make sure that it's not too short. I always like it braided and use some of my colourful hair accessories. I love wearing headbands and I would be delighted if you can match it with my outfit.

4. I wear glasses so kindly put it on me or allow me to wear it myself. I might not be able to see your face if I don't wear one.

5. I am not good in direction and I know that well so you might want to always redirect me to my room or my environment. Sorry if I am taking most of your time but this is who I am and I can't help it so please help me find my way.

6. Toilet me more often, I might forget to pee. Find time for me so I can have a bowel movement and
kindly clean me good enough so I won't be scratching down there.

7. I love arts. I love doing scrapbooks and artworks. I know that I will not be able to do some anymore but please sit down with me and together we can browse some of my creations. Allow me to participate in activities like colouring and painting.

8. Decorate my room. I would really appreciate it if you place my most lovely picture at the door or the night stand. Display my paintings at the wall, I might stop to look at it. Place picture of me and my family all over my room.

9. I collect stuff toys. Kindly place some of my favourite ones on my bed so I can hug them at night.

10. I sleep better when lights are close. You don't need to worry because I am not afraid of the dark.

11. Sing for me when words are not enough.


Please love and care for me even if I’m losing touch with reality. -CHA-

Missing the Warmth of UAE

It was just like yesterday when I was new in United Arab Emirates.  Looking back 7 years ago, I had the same feeling of not-knowing-what’s-going-to-happen in my new life in a new environment, with new people with whole new different culture. Yes, it was just like “a whole new world” to me as if I’m on a magic carpet ride except that it was not a shining, shimmering, splendid environment for me.

From the islands of the Philippines, I was stuck in the mysterious deserts of UAE. It was scary at first; not knowing what will happen with you is really scary. But as time goes by, I was able to adapt with the place, the people, the culture and the weather. I started to love the people and friends I met along the way, learned to eat whatever food is generously offered to me, I was also able to get used with the work.

I had my own share of difficulties and trials but I was able to go through with it, thanks to the help and support of my mom, my family, my brothers and sister, my bf and my friends. UAE had been my second home and had given me lots of memories to treasure and hold on to.

It is where I was able to spend more time with my Mom. To my mom, who’s always there to support my every decision, for your unconditional love and for giving me so much freedom that had allowed me to discover myself and what I am capable of doing. Thank you so much. I miss you and I love you.

I lost my dad. It is in UAE, where my dad struggled for his last breath. To you dad, know that I will always love you. I just hope I could still share the joy of having all these blessings in my life. I miss you.

I met my most favorite friend. It is in here where I met my most beloved friend. To you Mine, thanks for giving me the courage to face anything. For your optimistic view in life, I was able get through with all my negative thoughts and make decisions without holding back.  Please don’t give up on us. God will find a way for us to be together again.

I came to know how blessed I am. Thankful that I was given the chance to serve you Lord. I once believe that it’s up to me to choose whatever I like and whatever it is that will make my life better. But we don’t get to choose what’s best for us. God has own way of giving us what’s best in such a perfect way and timing. You just have to PUSH, Pray Until Something Happens!

I met wonderful and amazing friends to treasure forever. To all my Khorfakkan friends and family, you all hold a place in my heart and I want to thank you all for everything, for the friendship, for being with me through wonderful and tearful times. Thank you. Thank you and babait ninyo.

Another thing to be thankful for is my experience as a nurse here in UAE. As you may know, it was my first hospital experience and I am really grateful for the opportunity that had been given to me. Through the years of caring for patients in different walks of life, I learned to understand what Madeleine Leininger's Transcultural Nursing Theory is all about. Love and Caring is universal, regardless of culture and tradition. To all my colleagues in Khorfakkan Hospital, Thank you!

To UAE, thanks for the wonderful opportunity! Hoping to visit you soon!

Happy NEW YEAR and happy NEW LIFE to all!

that hurtful moment

Hello world, it has been so long since I updated you with what’s going on with me. Perhaps, I was indeed very busy with my “happy-and-almost-perfect life” (that was I thought). Well, in between there are problems and difficulties arising but I can say it was absolutely great. I felt happy and contented because it seems like everything is just so right and that God has blessed me with more than I deserve. Yes I thanked Him for everything.

But then, not all travel is smooth sailing. Not all journeys are hassle-free. Life is never without hurtful moments. Life is never without pain. The very reason that I am writing this post is not so inspiring, not at all. Yes something went wrong. Sorry I can’t tell you the exact details but I just want to let go of what I am feeling right now. I just need someone who will listen because I could not take it all alone. I might just breakdown.

I feel betrayed. I feel unloved. I feel scared.

I wanted to get even. I wanted to share my pain.

I thought I was okay. I thought I can just easily forgive and forget. But it was not that easy. In fact, it was the most difficult part of experiencing pain, the forgiving part. You can’t leave the fact that only by forgiving the person who hurts you will allow you to actually go through and get over with the pain and start healing. Yes forgiving and forgetting is the most difficult thing to do because you have to swallow your pride and act as if nothing had ever happened. It is so hard, but it is the most liberating part. It will allow you to truly move on and get on with your life. 

I guess it will take a lot of time to do such thing and I’m hoping to be there soon. 

Alone

Pain experience

In the morning when I came to visit my patient, she was indeed very pleased to see me. She was far way better than the previous days I had been with her. I asked her why she is in such a happy mood today. She was enthusiastically answering my question and I was very glad about it. She was very thankful because she was able to tell her mom about her hospitalization but mostly she’s happy because finally the doctor agreed to sedate her during the procedure PTMC (Percutaneous Transvenous Mitral Commissurotomy). She had been discussing this matter with the doctor and finally they agreed that’s why nothing can change the way she’s feeling right now. Although it was discussed to her many times that this will not cause her so much pain, what really frightens her is that maybe she will not be able to tolerate the procedure.

Pain is defined as an unpleasant sensation which occurs in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder. We all have our own experience of pain and of being hurt by someone or by something. Whatever it is that causes us pain, we tend to avoid it because we don’t want to experience the same feeling we had felt before. We are frightened to be in that kind of situation once more. We don’t want to be in that same experience again. But did it ever cross our mind at least once that in most times, it is in pain that we find meaning in life?

Pain experience leads us to so many realizations in life. Imagine those who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses, they are hurt so much both physically and emotionally and this makes them realized so many things in their life. I don’t know exactly what they are feeling because I was not in that kind of situation and I would never want to be. But as what I’ve observed with the patients I’ve handled and encountered, sick people value life more than those who are well. I can say that those who are with health conditions tend to have a more positive outlook in life. They see their life in a different way, that even in their darkest hour they can still see a light, a glimpse of hope that everything will be okay.

It is pain that reminds us that there is something in life that we should value. It is in pain that we realized the importance of family, friend, relationship, companionship and so many things. It is in pain that we value our faith and recognize the existence of God. It is in pain that we discover our own strength.

As a nurse, who had been exposed to patients experiencing different kinds of pain, I have realized that there are so many things that I should value in life.  I should be very thankful to God for so many things, I am not the one who is sick and needs help would be one. I have the opportunity to touch someone’s life and help them make the most of it would be another thing. I am alive and ready to experience what pain life would bring because I so believe that I have my friends and family who will be there when such time comes.

May we all have the same realizations in life even without the experience of pain.  

communication

I was about to observe my patient undergoing Transesophageal Echocardiography (TEE) today but unfortunately the procedure was postponed because my patient is uncooperative. She was too nervous. I guess nobody explained clearly how the procedure would go and what is expected from her.  Probably, it was explained to her in a language she is not so much familiar with. She was then asked to lie still and to relax. But how will you expect someone to relax if she doesn’t have a clear picture of what’s going to happen and why do they need to do it with her? Perhaps all she knew is that you want that long tube to be inside her and how is it possible without causing her so much discomfort. For someone who’s not in the medical field, that would definitely scare her preventing her to give her full cooperation in the procedure.

If I will be in her situation, I would surely feel the same thing. Being naïve and not knowing what’s going to happen is somehow scary. Imagine a situation where someone will ask me to enter a dark room wherein I don’t know what is inside and what’s going to happen once I enter that room. How will I feel about it? Of course it will create a lot of questions and fear. All scary things that is possible to think of will definitely enter my mind and in the end I will not probably go inside that room at all even if it was really necessary for me to do that.

In real life, there are a lot of things I am frightened of and mostly I am afraid of something I don’t have control over and something that I don’t have knowledge about. In some instances it’s very hard for me to decide on things especially when I totally don’t know about the possible consequences of whatever decision I will make. Most of the time, I tend to consult someone regarding certain things and once it is explained to me clearly and all my doubts had been answered, I will be somehow enlightened. The fear I have inside will in some way be lessen.

This also applied to our patient, as a nurse everything we do to them should be explained and doubts should also be entertained. This made me realized the important role of the nurses in answering the inquiries of patients regarding certain nursing procedures. Going back to basic, let us remember that before doing any nursing intervention, we really need to find time to explain what we are going to do with our patient. In our busy work schedule, sometimes we take for granted to spare even little of our precious time to clarify with them some things.  Mostly, we are too pre-occupied with our work so we tend to neglect this important role. Well’ I guess it’s time for me to remind myself again of this simple but very important thing, effective communication with our patient is very therapeutic and should never be ignored at all.

Let’s start communicating again and show them that we care. J

-cha-